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Stai passando un brutto momento, mi hai detto. Perché hai il sospetto di una cosa e alcune tue amiche te ne hanno parlato e tu devi aver pensato che se te lo chiedono anche loro allora quella cosa non è più solo nella tua testa. È nelle teste e nelle vite anche di altre persone. E per questo deve essere probabilmente vera. Ma come chiedere a tuo padre di raccontarti perché la ragazza che ti era piaciuta così tanto, con la quale avevi legato, pensato potesse diventare la tua migliore amica, la stessa che ti aveva abbracciato e fatto sentire capita, amata, importante e unica, ora non è più solo tua? Allora resti in silenzio. Lasciando che quei pensieri passino dalla testa alla pancia, diventando sassi nello stomaco.
Amore parlami, dimmi cosa ti tormenta. “No, papi, non posso dirtelo”. E ci lasciamo alle spalle un’altra giornata della quale rimane il sospetto di non averti dato ciò di cui hai bisogno: parole, conforto, certezze. Ma l’amore è l’unico solvente col quale so sciogliere la paura. E finisco per raccontarti come faccio forse troppo spesso, che dove c’è amore non può esserci paura, né tormento, né nulla che possa avere la faccia del male. E senza accorgemene ti sto dicendo ancora una volta che ti voglio bene e che ci sarò sempre. E faccio ben attenzione a non usare un però né un ma nel passaggio tra una frase e l’altra e aggiungo che voglio bene anche ad Agata. Le voglio bene e te lo dico con la stessa naturalezza con la quale ti racconterei una giornata al mare. E tu mi ascolti e abbassi gli occhi a terra, a fissare una mattonella del pavimento. E ti stringo forte e so che forse ti sto spezzando il cuore e ti tengo stretta per tenerlo insieme e non permettergli di cedere. Ti dico che lei ne vuole a me e ne vuole anche a te e so che, anche se ora ti sembra più difficile, tu ne vuoi a lei: te l’ho letto negli occhi così tante volte, da non aver alcun dubbio a riguardo.
Poi rimaniamo fermi in una posa che mi riporta in testa un tuo padre più giovane e con i capelli più lunghi e tu che parevi uno di quegli animaletti appena nati, con gli occhi chiusi e nessun muscolo. Rimaniamo così fino a quando non ti senti forse colma dell’amore che ti sto riversando addosso e che ti bagna tramite le lacrime che ti raggiungono i capelli. Tu non ci fai quasi caso e mi chiedi “papà ma tu mi vuoi bene?” e io ti rispondo “hai presente quante stelle ci sono in cielo…”
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